Ashleigh Hill's Blog
What I Have Gotten Myself Into pt.1 / 12.18.09, 09:37 PM
We’re all about to take a break for a few weeks and travel home for Christmas to see our families and sleep a lot. I have a lot to say about the past (almost) 4 months because a lot has happened. Things have been disappointing, frightening, awkward, understandable and not, difficult, heart wrenching, joyful, and extraordinary. I have come home crying uncontrollably and I have walked in the door praising God. I’ve had powdered milk for breakfast and had a homeless women offer to buy me a mango. At Breakthrough I’ve heard success stories and just as many relapse stories. I’ve heard people talk about how God is good in ways I’ve never considered. We’ve had a small taste of what it’s like to be a minority, which is weird because I can go two L stops and disappear again.
What I really want to do is write a long blog about materialism and Christmas and Jesus and the poor and money, just because it’s right in my face. I want to write about Deuteronomy 15:4, which says there should be no poor among us for the Lord has given us enough for everyone. But, deep down I know everyone reading this probably knows about all those things and I might be screaming into the wind (screaming into the wind is not an altogether bad thing, still, I will in this case resist).
We spend too much money on stuff. We save too much money for our own futures when Matthew 6 tells us to not worry about anything and 10:9 tells us to journey without any belongings. There are others in immediate need and God asks us specifically to take care of them. We either ignore this or are blind to it because of where we’ve situated ourselves. By large, the church has failed and we have a lot of money and big buildings to prove it– old news. True news, but old news. I’ve spent months watching my new friends be afterthoughts of a society and a Christianity that claims they work for them. I’ve thought a lot about how they’re grouped into a “them”. I wish I could show everyone what this looks like – it’s a mind trip when it’s right in front of your face. I don’t think dumping on culture and Christians is heroic or even necessary but still, I can’t justify a lot of the things I’ve seen done in the name of religion or fairness.
Sometimes I see the poor working together without our help and it humiliates me (I use the word “our” for lack of a better word). One morning this week I walked into work and read our staff log, detailing what had happened that weekend. One guest of ours who works her hands to the bone hand making bags had almost $200 stolen from her the night before. She was going to pay her phone bill and buy a bus card so she could get around to sell some more of her merchandise. She’s honest, hardworking, never complains, and just downright loves everybody. And all her money was gone. I wish I could better explain, or even understand how it must feel to have only $200 and then have $200 stolen from you. Understandably, there was hyperventilating involved.
The women at the Joshua Center passed a hat for her and they gathered enough money (in addition to a few more sales that night) to get her back to where she was. Don’t scan over this. A roomful of homeless women financially helped another homeless women out without even hesitating. That’s not a nice Reader’s Digest story about good people. It’s phenomenal. I’m so tired of nice stories about good people that coax us back into not taking poverty seriously.
I am starting to believe that giving out of our poverty is the only kind of generosity that is really noteworthy. But poverty is not just a financial issue. We are poor in how we treat people who are different from us or who we disagree with. The Bible tells us to love our neighbors and we don’t really even talk to our immediate ones, especially if they’re a little different than us. I have learned more in four months than I thought I would in twelve but thus far; the overwhelming truth is that we have a lot to learn about generosity. A lot. Francis Chan, a minister we’ve been listening to as a household, decided that in order to love his neighbor as himself he must use half his income to support himself and his family and half of it to support others. And it’s working. My idealistic side wants to jump up and down and say, “What if we all did that? What would it be like? If we started with our finances, our physical involvement would surely follow, and vice versa. How many people could we help? How much like Christ would be become?” The catch is that my realistic side is asking the same types of questions.
So, loosely, my requisite Christmas message is this –if you don’t know someone who needs your help paying the phone bill, think about how you can find one. If you have never had your immediate neighbors over for dinner, you need to invite them. Even if they don’t speak English very well and even if they voted for another political party – we MUST get to know people we don’t think we have anything in common with. Think of ways to be generous that you’ve never tried before. Do something scary that people will talk about. Don’t just give your leftovers. Stop walking by someone asking for change and buy them a cup of coffee. Ask them their name and give them yours. Stop telling yourself why you can’t do something for someone and stick your neck out for someone. Treat people like the rest of the world tells you not to treat them – just like Jesus did.
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:10
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Yeah. Wow.
I love hearing your reflections of the reality of how God is working in your life and in the lives of those around you, and in moving each one of you closer to Him.
I’ve never been so nervous about my finances as I am right now (if I don’t find a better paying job in like a month or two, we’re going to be just shy of paying rent, not to mention groceries, etc.) and it’s really scary. You know this, ‘cause you’re helping me through it. BUT, it’s weird to read your call to give and support others when I feel more akin to the one in need. Maybe that is my own selfishness, or maybe it’s my actual need. I don’t know. But I do know that I am still supporting our little sponsor, Sagar Das, through Compassion – even though the bill makes me nervous each month and I think we’re called to keep doing that. I’m going to try and return most of the stuff I have from Lands’ End and get the money back from it, because I’m realizing that I spend too much money on extras and they gather dust instead of getting use. I have two bags of clothes to give away, that I have yet to give away. I need to hurry up so that God can use those clothes for someone else!
And I find myself learning some lessons that I think are somewhat similar albeit taught in a different way. I need to know what “needs” are versus “wants” and to recognize that I’ve already had more than I deserve.
It’s funny to see people working at jobs they hate but that make them tons of money – taking extravagant trips, buying expensive meals and drinks, and sometimes I get jealous. But then I remember how rare and bizarre this is. What I need is God. What I need is Love. What I need is Fellowship and Friendship and a little bit of God’s provision. I want a generally-happy, genuine family, and to invite people who aren’t my blood relatives into my family, too. I want to have my life mean something more than facebook albums, trophies, and paychecks.
I’m grateful to learn from you and to be challenged beyond my comfort.
I miss you and I wish you a very Merry Christmas! :) xoxox Have fun in O-heyyy-O!
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