Ashley Pharis's Blog
Well...I THOUGHT I liked roller coasters... / 07.07.08, 01:58 PM
The past few weeks I have become increasingly aware of the fact that our time here in North Lawndale is slowly coming to an end (thanks to my weekly planner). It is strange, this year has been some sort of mystical time and space of ‘floating’ for me, not truly grounded but floating in this experience of learning how to be present and enjoy the here and now. The idea of this time coming to an end doesn’t seem possible. Now that I’ve found a place where I finally feel like I’m fulfilled, isn’t time supposed to stand still??
But no, apparently not according those silly things called watches and calendars. And it’s been a roller coaster of emotions as that reality has set in. Some days I am still struck with wonder at the very thought that I am actually here, living in Chicago, doing this crazy thing called Mission Year. What an amazing gift it has been. This sense of awe comes to me at strange times too, like when I’m washing a sink full of dishes that were dirtied by our neighbor kids after helping make fry bread (more of which ended up in their mouths and on the floor than actually in the pan), or as I lay in bed at night after a long discussion with my roommates about Alice Walker and the under-representation of women in the Bible. But then, the very next morning I pull myself out of bed for morning devotions wondering how I will be able to make it through 5 more weeks of this! And by the end of the night I feel as though I am mourning the loss of a dear friend when I again remember that it will soon be over, that I will soon have to say goodbye to so many dear friends, families, neighbors and co-workers that have found small niches in their lives for us.
An example of how this reality is setting in for us….
I was standing in the kitchen, marking down various events on our house calendar for the month of July. My roommate Melissa walked up behind me. As she watched me mark in events like “Our last day at service sites”, “Last Sunday at Church” and “Closing Retreat”, she started crying. It just hit her. Sam came over and hugged her as she both laughed and cried saying “It’s really going to end?”.
As we begin the process of thinking about life after mission year, please keep us in your prayers. And continue to pray that we remain present for this last month in our community. This experience is a gift and we don’t want to miss any second of it.
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a roller coaster is a good analogy, there are many ups and downs in Mission Year, often in the same day, embrace the relationships you have made, try to enjoy each day you have left
By Austin Hochstetler / Jul 7, 10:57 PM / #