Jeff Delp's Blog
Lasting or Temporary Relationships / 06.15.09, 08:38 PM
Every September, Mission Year brings a new group of young people into roughly 20 neighborhoods across 4 cities in the United States. Over the course of that year, countless relationships are formed, some very meaningful ones, some very temporary ones. We have seen in the past that these relationships have been transformative for our team members and the neighbors that they are serving along side of each year. These relationships are at the very core of what Mission Year does, and the reason why I do what I do.
This past week, my family experienced our best friends in Atlanta over the past 7 years moving away. I have had plenty of relationships end in the past due to someone moving, but this one was more difficult because it is the first time that a friend moving away deeply effected myself, my wife, and my child (their daughter was born 3 days before my son, and they had an intense love/hate relationship, more love than hate though!). Lots of emotions and thoughts have gone into processing what their moving means for us as a family, and how we reshape are life in Atlanta now that a big piece of our life has moved away. No doubt, anytime a relationship comes to an end, you reflect on whether it was worth it or not. And I can definitely say that this one was worth the energy we poured into it.
Reflecting on our friends moving away had extra significance because this year many of our team members questioned whether or not establishing a relationship with neighbors for 12 months was worth it or not. Questions were asked like: “Am I doing more harm than good,” “I am moving away soon, is it worth it,” and “I don’t want to make the neighborhood my classroom.” These are all very good questions to ask and reasons to be concerned about starting relationships, particularly relationships that require a good bit of mistrust to be broken down before they can blossom
Had I known 7 years ago that this day was coming, I may not have chosen to invest in our friends as much as I did because there was a good reason not to. Having been through the past 7 years, I am glad that I did not know our friends were moving because I potentially could have missed out on a wonderful relationship that I am so thankful to God for. Did this past week hurt, yes. Was it extremely hard, yes. Am I mad at God for calling them away, yes. Am I grateful for the time we had together, yes. Would I trade it for anything in the world or do anything differently, no.
Relationship are temporary, even our most dear ones. Family relationships are temporary. Spousal relationships are temporary. Parent/child relationships are temporary. Yet most of us dive into those relationships with all that we got because they mean so much to us. Even though we know one day we are going to lose our parents or spouse we still love them and pursue them for the love, wisdom, and knowledge that they bestow on us. If we are willing to dive into these temporary relationships so much, why is it so hard to dive into other relationships that may be temporary? Is there a time frame that a relationship must last in order to make it worth it? 1 year, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, 25 years? They are all temporary.
What I have learned over the past week, unwillingly, is that I need to trust in God for the relationships that aren’t family relationships and that are seen as temporary. My family supposedly cannot leave me because they are my blood family, whereas “my family” here in Atlanta is my family only because I have chosen them, and they have chosen me. There is no blood relationship that keeps us together, however, there is a spiritual relationship that keeps us together, and unfortunately for me, and many of us, that is harder to see and therefore harder to trust in. That is what is wavering right now. I am not sure how to trust in God that I will not be hurt again, that significant people that I care about will not be called away from my family here in Atlanta.
In order to follow Him, God tells us that we need to leave our father and our mother. This passage can be interpreted several ways, but in this moment right now this passage tells me that God calls us away from our father and mother, not to separate us from them, not to take children away from their parents, not because God is anti-family, but because God wants us to trust in Him for our relationships. If we live in fear of our relationships leaving us at any moment, we no longer concede control of the relationship to God, making it more challenging for that relationship to become what it could be if we trusted in God for it. God has a purpose for our relationships, no matter the length of time they are. We just need to trust in him for their purpose and not live in fear that they will be taken away from us or that they are doing damage to others.
I am so grateful for the time that I have had with each of the people that I consider my family in Atlanta, especially our friends that have moved away. I am so thankful to God for giving me, and my family, the wonderful gift of close friends. I pray that I will be better able to trust God for the relationships that I have here in Atlanta, and if other relationships come to an end, that I will see His wisdom and purpose for the time that I was able to have those relationships.
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Jeff,
You should give dad a call, he’s having problems with his foot, he also is spending a lot for mediacal care.
don
By Don Delp / Jun 27, 12:50 PM / #