Jeff McNutt
About Mission Year
Mission Year is a year long urban ministry program focused on Christian service and discipleship. We take teams of young people, place them in an area of need, and help them to serve people and create community. We are committed to the command of Jesus to “love God and love people,” by placing the needs of our neighbors first and developing committed disciples of Christ with a heart for the poor. Learn more about our first year program…
Jeff McNutt's Blog
Next step / Aug 24, 05:33 PM
Well Mission Year has ended. I’m back in Indiana getting ready to pursue a Christian Ministries degree from Indiana Wesleyan University. Thank you to all of you that continued to read my blog and encourage and support me throughout the year. Because of these blogs I have found a love for writing I did not know I had, so I will be continuing to blog at jefferymcnutt.blogspot.com. Thanks again for all your support.
God Bless,
Jeff
Faith, Pride, and Humility / Jul 21, 03:29 PM
So this will be my last blog entry while still being in Chicago in the midst of my Mission Year experience. It has been a long road with some twists and turns, but it has brought me to a beautiful place in my life. If I were to describe the scenery at this part of my life you may think it was something straight out of “Legend of Sleepy Hollow,” or any other haunted wood that you have heard. It would seem to be a dark, narrow footpath, surrounded by trees that look as if they could grab you up any minute. And if you were merely looking at the surroundings you would think the circumstances seemed rather hopeless. While I’m painting this to look rather bleak, I have yet to mention the most important part, or being involved in this portrait. I have next to me on this path the creator of the path; not only the path, but the entire world and even the universe! He stands next to me clothed in light, giving me warmth and confidence as I begin to travel down the path before us. And it is us traveling together, He doesn’t leave my side, He doesn’t step ahead or behind (although there are times I may try to run ahead), and He is always whispering encouragement into my ear. Let me switch gears for a minute, and then maybe this metaphor will make more sense later on.
About two years ago I rededicated my life to Christ. I jumped head first into the Bible and began just learning and growing. Then I began reading books by Christian authors, books like Crazy Love by Francis Chan or Starving Jesus by J.R. Mahon and Craig Gross. And as I was one of the teachers for the collegian group at Westview I began relaying ideas like if we really trust God to provide then why do we need insurance, a savings account, 401k’s, or a job with great benefits? I was talking about having the full faith of Matthew 6 when Jesus says to not worry about what we will eat or wear. Now as I have joked with others here, I’m sorry I ever said that. I am leaving Mission Year with no job, let alone with benefits. I will have no insurance. My account balance is at a minimum. A 401k is non-existent. What was I thinking? What I do know is that I feel a call on my life to be a pastor, and to do that I need to go to college, so that is where I’m heading. This is where I am learning about faith in my life.
Another aspect of my life is that I have been working full-time for the past eight years. I pay my own bills and take care of my own needs. I worked hard so I could provide for myself and no one had to help me out. To put it mildly I have a lot of pride in being able to care for myself or take care of my own needs and not have to rely on others. This coming year I will be going to school while living with my parents. They will even be dropping me off to school each day (not sure they know this yet). My roommate Ashleigh has said that this is God working on that pride I have; I agree. I will have to rely on God to provide wholly for me rather than counting my strength my own and saying that I did it myself. It will be by His hand that I will be fed, clothed, and sheltered this coming year. This is a difficult one for me to take, but this also means that I am going to have to rely on others to help me along the way. I know this is for my good, but man does it hurt right now.
Two years ago when I rededicated my life to Christ, it was probably closer to a first time commitment. It was more honest than I had ever been with God before. I simply said, “ok, if you want me, I’m yours. I’ll give you everything I can, but I am going to need your help. And I do not want to be bored.” Wow, go easy on praying that one. Since that time God has taken me farther than I ever thought I would go. He has continually stretched me and pushed me to become simply the man He designed me to be. The very person that I want to be He has stretched me to become. The desires in my heart (that He gave me) are being fulfilled. He is awakening the man in me that I long to be, a man fully alive. God has been so merciful to me. He has held no good thing from me. I can see that He means it when He says His desire is for me in Songs 4:7. And I am not bored!
I started thinking about these three things: faith, pride, and humility. I began by having faith that my Father would take care of me. Yet I hold on to my pride of being able to provide for myself, but also realize that I would be nowhere near where I am if God had not been faithful. I now stand on a similar edge as last year, what I perceive to be a leap of faith. I still have a lot of pride, so part of me is clinging with everything in my being to hold on to what I can, but risking a little has taught me that when I have faith God is faithful in return. I know God loves me, and His desire is for me. So here I stand on the edge of a wood looking at a footpath. (Deep breath) Ok Jesus, I’m ready.
Father, thank you for who you are, for who you have been to me this year. How you’ve guided me, led me, wiped away my tears, laughed at my silliness, strengthened me through my weakness, and been my support when I could no longer stand. Thank you.
You have been so good to me. You have allowed me to see you work in a community that others would say is forsaken by you. You have allowed me to walk amongst streets of broken glass and let me see them as the streets of gold. Thank you.
Jesus you have been faithful in walking beside me, whispering love to me at every triumph and failure. You have extended your grace to me, a sinner. You have made me clean and have redeemed me from a past of self-fulfillment. Thank you.
You have let me see the wounds in your hands and side, the blood you poured so that we may be free. So that all may be free. You have shown me your justice and the injustices that abound here. You have shown me what I can do to help bring justice to your people. Thank you.
Holy Spirit you have filled me. You have worked hard to transform my mind, to give me a new heart of flesh. Thank you.
You have led me into deeper understanding of what it means to love others as Christ has loved us. You have been patient with me as my flesh cries out and I deny you. You always are with me, even as I try to flee. Thank you.
As I go away from this place, as you call me to the next place, may I glorify you. Let people see the beauty that is in your triune relationship come from me. Let me exemplify hospitality, grace, mercy, forgiveness, sacrifice, service, compassion, community, and justice. Use me to demonstrate your unfailing love. I wish to glorify you, to give honor to you, so cleanse me of my pride. Let me see that all I am comes from you, that you are the one who brings good gifts and can take them away.
Thank you for loving me, for choosing me already to be used by you. Continue with me Lord that I may be a man after your heart.
I love you.
The Ministry of Presence - still a work in progress / May 26, 02:52 PM
Jesus Visits Martha and Mary
38 As Jesus and the disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. 39 Her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet, listening to what he taught. 40 But Martha was distracted by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to Jesus and said, “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.”
41 But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”
I wish I were Mary. I wish I would get my priorities in line and learn that people are more important than whatever else is on my plate at any given time.
This past weekend was Come ‘n See weekend for Mission Year. We invited some of our family and friends to show up for a weekend and hopefully get a small idea of what it is we do here. Everyone on my team had their parents show up, and also Katie came to see me, and Renata (Pedro’s sister) came to see him. It was a good time had by all. We had a cookout with many of our friends from the neighborhood coming to meet our families, we had the most interesting church service that I have ever been to – EVER, and we got to spend Monday doing some normal things that we each do on Sabbath. After my parents and Katie left I felt a little empty. It wasn’t because they were gone though, but rather because I had felt as if I had hardly seen them. Immediately I thought of Mary and Martha. I long to be Mary; to sit in the company of others, to listen to them tell stories and tell my own, to just be in the presence of one another. Unfortunately, I am more like Martha; the entire weekend I was up and going, making sure everything was just right for all our guests, making sure that everything was perfect. You would think I would learn by now.
We had a great weekend, which was no product of my efforts; this weekend was good because parents were able to see what their children were doing, they were able to hear stories from neighbors and church families and co-workers at how wonderful their kids are, this weekend was good because everyone got to spend time with their loved ones.
Throughout this year I have fought to be able to just be. Psalm 46:10 says to “Cease striving and know that I am God” (NASB). I am still working on this. Towards the beginning of this year I found this quote from Henri Nouwen and even wrote part of it in the very first support letter that I sent out. I was reminded of this quote Monday after my parents and Katie left. I see this more and more in my life and pray that I may learn the simple ministry of presence.
“More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as someone who wants to live with them. It is a privilege to have the time to practice this simple ministry of presence. Still, it is not as simple as it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or to be part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social progress. But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn’t be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them.” – Henri Nouwen
Solitude Day Prayer / May 21, 01:30 PM
Father,
Thank you for time to rest. Thank you for your creation – nature. Thank you for valuing me, more than I even value myself. This is my second solitude day, and while I tried not to carry my expectations in from the last one, and not to duplicate it either, apparently I did. So far I have seen too much of man in my day; in the wooden path, the sidewalk, the dam, the people that are around. Just as I write this though, I think of how you created man in you image and therefore I’m seeing more of you than I realize. I just wanted to steal away into nature, into the quiet and be alone with you. I guess this is another time that I have to fight for my day or time with you. I know you desire time with me too. Help me to fight for us. Give me the strength to get pass the enemy. Give me the desire for you. I’ve heard it said that without the grace of God we couldn’t even desire you, so shower me with the grace to desire you more and more. I love you and I want to love you more, so help me to do that. Thank you for your loving kindness, mercy, grace in my life. Continue to mold me and shape me into who you created me to be. I love you.
Jeffery.
I don’t feel as this is enough. i don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say. Why is this so hard? Have I forgotten your grace? or how far you’ve brought me? Say that isn’t so. Is this just one of those “seasons” in my life when I feel far from you? Has the enemy gotten me this wrapped up in me? Jesus give me the strength to rest in you. To cease striving and know that you are God. Because I try so hard, and my trying isn’t enough because even when I’m trying and giving it my all, I still don’t want you enough. Don’t get me wrong; I do what you ask as far as stuff to do. I serve. I love people that are difficult to love. I help the poor and destitute. I love the least of these. Because of Mission Year and Breakthrough, I can do all these things as part of my schedule, my routine. But I think those things are supposed to come out of my love for you. you know, “love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, and strength.” I don’t do that first, so how can I love people? I can’t, at least not properly. help me Father. Savior keep saving me. Because I can’t do this. It has to be through you; your strength, your love, your grace, that I can do any of these things you ask me to do. So fill me with your spirit. Renew my mind. May I become less so you can become more.
Nothing More.
Nothing Less.
Nothing Else.
Jeffery
Breathe / Apr 29, 05:59 PM
It’s been a while since I’ve written anything, and for that I apologize. I have sat down to write many times, but each time, like some type of writer’s block, nothing would come. I have wanted to share about the many racial inequalities that I am now seeing; in our prison system, in our schools, in our businesses, and most recently our welfare system. As my eyes have been opened to a world that I never really understood, and definitely did not know the depth of its existence, I have wanted to relay what I’m learning. Unfortunately, the more I see, the more I realize how big and complex the system of racism is; and I could not adequately describe it in one nice and neatly packaged blog for you to read. Hopefully I’ll be able to break up some of what I am seeing and write about it in a way that can be understood, though I know the only way to truly understand is to experience it, something that I myself can’t even do. While I am trying to find the words to write about race, I figured I should go ahead and write a blog.
Lord of heaven and earth, does not live in temples made by man, nor
is he served by human hands, as though he needed anything, since
he himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything.
Acts 17:24-25, ESV
emphasis mine.
Have you thought about that recently? Breathe in, breathe out. That was a gift from God. Each one; each breath you take given by Him. Yesterday (April 27th) I was reminded once again how true this is. I’ll tell you the stories in the order they happened, because obviously God was trying to once again drag this point home with me: He is in control.
First, and this one had very little personal consequences for me, I was listening to a sermon. The sermon was by Francis Chan, a man I have grown to have a great deal of respect for because I can see his life on the altar for Christ, and that is how I want to live. The sermon was his announcement that he is going to be leaving his church to go do whatever he can to help sex trafficking victims in Thailand. Him, his wife, and their four children will be going (most likely to Thailand) and just helping where God calls them to. Then he believes he will come back to the states and live in an inner-city area and serve where ever God calls. The title of the sermon was “surrender”. In it Francis told a story of him scuba diving recently. His instructor wanted to take him down 120 feet. Having been in shallower water for some time, Francis agreed. He stated that as they approached 100 feet he began to panic. Realizing he had 100 feet of water above his head before he might possibly be able to catch a breath of air that didn’t come from the tank, he panicked. Francis quickly got his instructor’s attention and motioned that it was time to head back up. They started their ascent when Francis began to calm. He said he began to think “how is this any different from any other breath I take?” Knowing that God gives us each breath, whether we are above ground or 100 feet below the ocean’s surface, we rely on God for each one.
I sat there breathing, thinking about each breath I took, about how it belonged to God. Now as with everything, life must go on. I had some reading to do so once again I got back to life and forgot about the breaths I took. As I sat reading, thinking about why the author couldn’t have put this very informational book on welfare reform into a more entertaining format so I could stay awake because after all I have a short attention span, I thought I smelled smoke. So being the good house guy that I am (and wanting to step away from the book for a moment) I checked out the situation. After going through the apartment room by room, and even checking the outside hallway, the smell dissipated and there were no signs of fire; so I went back to reading. About five minutes later Meredith came to me and asked if I smelled smoke. Once again I took to examining the apartment, now with her by my side. This time, our outside hallway definitely had smoke in it. We went to our downstairs neighbor and checked on them, no one home. We went to our first floor neighbors, no one there either. We went back to our apartment and checked once again to make sure that it was nothing in our place causing the smoke. I then called our friend Jasonni, he is our second floor neighbor’s brother and lives close by. I asked him if he had a key and told him the situation. He didn’t but he said he would call them.
Within three minutes Jasonni was at our door saying that they were on their way, but we could probably get in through one of the windows, they had left the stove on. As we went up stairs through our apartment to the back deck the smoke began to thicken; it wasn’t that thick, and yet already it was affecting our breathing. We began to try each of the back windows hoping that maybe one was left unlocked by mistake, no luck. I then ran back through our apartment to their front door to see if I could open it with a credit card, no luck. We were running out of our own ideas and were now having a difficult time breathing if we were in the apartment building. At this point Carrie had arrived home, and the sister of our neighbor had also arrived. Carrie and the sister were on the back porch still trying to get in through the back. Meredith and Jasonni were in the front catching their breath and contemplating calling the fire department*. Knowing how long it would take the fire department to arrive, I once again felt the front door handle for warmth, nada. I took two steps back… the door flew open with pieces of the lock flying into the room. My kick had landed squarely next to the handle. (The last two sentences, while true, are mostly for dramatic effect.) Immediately I felt my lungs fill with smoke. I stepped back, caught my breath and yelled for Jasonni. We rushed in to the apartment, quickly heading towards the kitchen checking for signs of flames. Fortunately, the burner that was left on caught nothing else on fire. Jasonni turned the stove top off and we went out the back door to catch our breath.
Once settled down, Carrie, Meredith, and I opened all our windows to air out the apartment. Carrie and Meredith headed to one of our friends down the street, and I just sat on our stoop. As our neighbors came home, first the husband, then the wife and kids, I greeted each of them with a warm hello. We all knew how close we had been to losing our homes. They went up to survey the damage, and I just sat relaxing after the adrenaline rush.
Not once during the whole ordeal did I think about my breathing. I knew it wasn’t good to be breathing all the smoke that I was, but at the time was more concerned with making sure our building didn’t burn down. I sat outside coughing as the fresh air began to replace the smoke in my lungs, I was thankful for still having a place to sleep. It was probably two hours before I could take a deep breath without coughing. Today I have had no problem breathing in and out; I’ve actually done it all day :) And other than a sore throat and the light lingering smell of smoke in our kitchen, life got back to normal rather quickly.
Sadly, it wasn’t until today that I made the connection: each breath is a gift from God. I realized while listening to a man who in three weeks time lost his job, apartment, and all of his belongings except for a backpack’s worth that he had not lost everything. He still had his life, his health, his mind… his breath.
Breathe in, breathe out. That was a gift from God.
*If you are wondering why calling the fire department was not the first thing we did, it’s because things are different here. Because of our address and the community we live in response times are terribly slow. This is one of those things that I have a hard time expressing in words; it is one of the many injustices that I have come to see since being here, and you would probably have to see to believe also. Please rest assured, had I seen any evidence of flames or even felt heat on a door knob, a vent, or any other surface (that I was continually checking while running back and forth) I would have evacuated the building and called 911 right away.
