Jessica Barnes's Blog
Thankful. / 12.01.08, 11:31 AM
During our last city wide, I was challenged. I was hearing stories about my friends being changed by God, making big decisions, and giving. Then I had to confront myself which I’ve been so incredibly afraid of doing. I had to talk to God and myself about what’s been going on, why I’ve been feeling so indifferent. I had been questioning so much and finally I prayed. I prayed that God would give me SOMETHING to make me see Him and to start trusting Him again. I wanted to be broken and I wanted to rely on God’s grace.
I got my answer the next morning when my mom called to tell me that my dad had died early that morning. I cried, I prayed, I went through every emotion in the book. And then I packed a bag. I had to go home for my dad’s funeral last weekend.
It’s been over seven years since I’ve seen or heard from my dad and while I sat on a plane going to Pittsburgh, I was so angry at myself for not making an effort to get in touch with him in so long. God has been working on my heart this week. He’s been showing me what’s really important and that I can’t ignore a call to love. We’re called to love one another. That includes everyone we meet and we can’t overlook those that are closest to us. I’ve been challenged to stop holding grudges, harboring anger and hurt feelings. I’ve been challenged to love. Unconditionally.
I’m hurting. I’m mourning. I’m broken. And I know that I’m not going through any of it alone. I’m incredibly grateful to everyone that has been with me while I’ve been angry, confused, sad, and while I haven’t been able to do anything but cry.
The past two weeks have been a blur, but through it all – the phone calls, the funeral, the flights, the crying, the conversations…God has been beside me, giving me peace and showing me grace. For that, I’m completely thankful.
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I’m thankful for stories like this and people like you. <3
By Kristian / Jan 16, 01:07 PM / #