Justina Harrington's Blog
When There's Only 28 Days Left... / 07.07.08, 03:10 PM
Where to begin. A whole year’s worth of unwritten blogs has brought me to this first and possibly final entry.
Alright, here are some lettered illustrations that have come out of me this year to paint you a bit of a picture of the things I’m still learning how to describe:
There’s a beat on the sun-baked concrete, a basketball bouncing up and down. There’s a melody playing on the Chicago breeze, the ice cream trucks are making their rounds. There’s words to the music, city voices and children’s laughter. The rhythms go up and down, forwards and backwards, changing at night and at dawn.
It’s summer in La Villita.
Took a moment to look in the mirror
It’s taken so long to admit my fear
This reflection once knew right and wrong
Suddenly it’s thinking the words to this song
Voice to the voiceless hear my plea.
You’ll never understand how it tortures me
How I’ve blinded my eyes to validate my sin
And though I’ve got the privelege I still have to win
The empty expressions, the silence on the phone
Say I’m ok but I can’t tell you how it burns when I’m alone
Is the fog so thick? Can I see past the fear?
I’ll take your hand, let’s go, escape this sphere
Dirt roads, paved roads, concrete walk.
We’ve been talkin’ bout the walkin’ but I’m tired of the talk
Startin’ to wonder if it’s worth it or not
Bothers me to wonder and I think I need to stop
I’m “different” and I’ve “changed”
and you’ve heard it all before
So why am I thinking this time it’s something more?
Brother and sister got a new definition
Hearts on the street with a justice petition
Sometimes I wonder if I’m going downhill
Or is it hard fighting lies
and the system’s mighty will
Don’t got the answers or the sweet lies I want
One things for certain, “Love people and God”.
-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Words they fail me now
They’ve failed you so often before
Thought I could figure out how
Thought I just needed to say more
But now I am still there’s nothing I can do
To deserve your love, or be more loved by you
I’ve tried so many times
To make myself worthy
To be perfect in your eyes
And deny my own humanity
Father you hold me
Though I turn away
Your still voice assures me that I am worthy
You were the final sacrifice
You came and payed my ransom price
You said enough
The blood must stop.
****************************
It’s 1:09 on a black Chicago night
But you can’t see the stars cuz there’s too much light
But here on the Southside it don’t touch us
You’ll find another world off the 82 bus
And the night goes on but it don’t get far
Before the sirens blare and the gunshots start
With his finger on the trigger is a boy you’ve seen
In the papers and films in the magazines
You know what to think, but not his heart
You don’t get why he’s gone this far
But up his steps and through his door
Is his life’s story you ain’t heard before
His childhood’s what you can’t take
His childhood’s what you can’t take
24 hopeless hours
Years of rape
Destroyed and torn for years and years
By those who have their own dark fears
He’s an adult at 15 tell you how he’s seen it all
And how he gave up on dreams, bout 15 years ago
And I’m telling you now you wouldn’t get far
If the whole world was telling you who you are
The damage is done
The damage is done
Is there any inoccence left my son?
And then it’s enough
He won’t take it no more
It was never getting better so he walks out the door
Where he’ll go ain’t the question
He knows where it’s at
Life was hell but he knows theirs was worse than that
Down on the corner there’s a family to meet
The broken-hearted children of 23rd street.
And he likes to watch them die
Cause then he knows that eyes still cry
And when he fires that gun
He knows he’s not the only one
Who wishes he could die tonight.
-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
So are the stats truly the lies?
Do we become oppressors if we’re civilized
Are we starving the children with the things we buy?
To save ourselves do we have to take their lives?
How much blood do we spill
To be beautiful
We try to blur our mistakes
We think it’s by us we’ll be saved
We think what we say will get them to heaven
But it’s us who need them
Where would I be without you my sister my brother?
How would we know without eachother?
How would I know justice without you?
You’ve set your face and carried on through
You’ve offered your hand
And found the goodness in man
You’ve made me sing redemption songs
You’ve proved every violence wrong
You have broken my heart and soul
Yet somehow your life makes mine whole
-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Hey there empty eyes
Got a little something to keep you alive
Head to Starbucks for your cup of smiles
And be who you want to be for awhile
She’s so depressed, gotten low
So she runs to the theater to catch a show
Numbs all that unfixable pain
She’ll pretend she’s a hero and forget her name
Another war of words and lies
Forget forgiveness, avert your eyes
It’s better if you just let time heal
So you don’t think of what you don’t want to feel
She feels like she is so worthless
So she heads to the mall to find the perfect dress
She’ll buy and buy and take and take
And she won’t even wonder where her clothes were made
It’s about time to waste some time
So he drops and he locks and he gets online
Here is a world he’s wanted and dreamed
Too bad his own wasn’t what it seemed
Ain’t it good to communicate
IM, cell phone, online date
Human contact: overrated, big cost
And if you don’t like the outcome you can just sign off
When you’re on your way, and you’re climbing that peak
Sometimes you just have to step on the weak
Money is money and you need power more
Besides ain’t there always gonna be poor?
So when they bug you grab a gun and fight
When you want love just do what feels right
When you’ve no excuse get that flag unfurled
You can’t live out Jesus in the real world
And this is how I’ve lived.
-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Israel
Your untold stories are burning in your eyes
But you keep them safe inside
And I’ve never seen you cry
Cyrus
You’ve dealt with it all your whole short life
You’ve been hit so hard
Can you feel a thing beneath those scars?
Genesis
You’re the sunshine, you think you don’t have a voice
Will I ever see the day
The world hears what you have to say?
John
Keep on running, don’t you look back
Be the one who loves his brother
And won’t give up his dreams to another
3 Comments
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Read more of Justina Harrington's Blogs.
WOW. Justina… you are an incredibly gifted writer-Some of those made me want to cry, some made me to just want to write, some made me want to just meet you and give you a hug and say “THANK YOU for being REAL and Genuine and letting us into your thoughts…it’s a beautiful thing”.
Be Blessed!!
By Tera Shelton, 08-09 member / Jul 8, 08:49 AM / #
Ah, Justina. Incredible. I love you, girl.
By lindsey / Jul 8, 09:39 AM / #
These are really good, Justina. Have you put any of them to music?
By Joe Grove / Jul 8, 12:24 PM / #