Kimberly Rixon's Blog
Fin / 07.17.10, 05:43 PM
So basically I have sucked at writing blogs this year! I found this format to be kind of difficult, and blogged more at www.kimberlyrixon.blogspot.com (for those of you pre-mission year-ers who are stalker-ish as I was, feel free to read it!)… But I wanted to post my final newsletter on here for y’all to read:
Summer camp has been going really well. The latest highlight was going to a local carnival and riding rides for several hours with three of our classes. We have been able to do lots of fun things with them this summer, and have a really good time together. It’s crazy that we only have three weeks left! And that this will be my last Mission Year newsletter! It is almost time to say goodbye…
This year has been life-changing for me. Y’all have probably only been able to experience a fraction of that through these letters, but I hope that in some way this year has impacted you as well.
When I came to Atlanta, I think I had a romanticized view of what this year would be like. Most of my expectations were wrong straight off. For one, I didn’t expect to live in a Hispanic community! I had a lot of romantic ideals of how I would help people, how I would change and be a better person who cares less about myself, how I would be the best teammate ever, find direction for my life and learn how to live. Some of those things have happened, but not in a way that I expected. Living in Community has shown me more of my own faults than anything else. Much of the time I don’t want to serve my roommates, and I don’t want to experience the awkwardness of being truly vulnerable with them.
Living and serving in the inner city is not glamorous or heroic. Sometimes it’s not even fun or rewarding. Sometimes I don’t want to put myself out there in order meet people and to go through the embarrassment of interacting with my limited Spanish. It’s easier to sit back and be idealistic from a distance than to put in the effort necessary in order to get to know my neighbors. I mean, sometimes I don’t even want to go to Elia’s house, even though I know that I love being with her every time I go. But when I do force myself to do things I am uncomfortable with, the results surprise me! I catch a glimpse of God’s love at work in my neighborhood, and how I can be a tiny part of that.
And I think this year really has made me a better person… but not a person who has all the answers and knows everything about serving the poor. Maybe more like a person who has had the great gift of being able to live alongside them and get to know them. I might even have more questions about how to live, and more uncertainties of belief than before. But I have experienced a kind of love that doesn’t have an explanation or words to describe it. This year has expanded my hearts capacity to love. My ability to listen, observe, and learn without forming opinions. I am so grateful that I have had the chance to receive so much love and grace from our neighbors, and to share in their generosity and contagious joy, sometimes in spite of myself. I am leaving this year broken and humbled. We think we have a lot to give to the poor, but the most beautiful thing about this year has been learning that I don’t really have anything to give. That maybe the poor have a lot more to offer me than I do to offer them. That just living with people is enough to change you both.
And now I am leaving. It’s a very mixed feeling. It will be very hard to say goodbye. I am excited to go back to Washington, but I can’t believe that I only have three more weeks here. A year is too short of a time to invest in a community. Mission Year has made me want to find somewhere that I won’t leave, people that I will stay with and love and watch change. Where I can continue to build on what I have learned this year. Continue to see how God loves the poor and how I can be a part of that, simply by living with them and doing my best to love like Jesus. After Mission Year comes “Mission Life”, which is cheesy but true. My life will be a continuation of this year, and the mission I have had to love God and love people, above everything else.
Your support this year had been critical to my success here. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Love and Peace, Kimberly
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