Kristen Gillman's Blog
oh my (starry-eyed surprise?) / 12.18.08, 12:24 AM
sorry that it has taken me so long to write another update! so many things have been going on lately!!
wellll I’ve decided that I’m probably going to quit doing capital letters except for people’s names and the word “I”. this is probably because I really don’t like writing in capitals, because it takes forever. hahaha, I know, I’m super lazy, right? oh well, I can type faster this way. :) yayyy
can I just tell you that this past month has been… incredible?
I’ve been going through a whole lot of ups and serious downs, but the Lord has been sitting with me through it all, and He has really let me know about how much I mean to Him.
it’s been really hard for me to believe that I am loved. this might be weird to write in a blog for all the world to know, but I have a hunch I am not fully able to glorify the Lord if I am not honest about things. anyways, because of things in the past, it is very very hard for me to believe that people love me… this sometimes, unfortunately, transfers into my relationship with God and it’s hard for me to remember that I am loved.
these past few weeks God has shown me in an INFINITE number of ways how much He absolutely loves me. I can’t tell you how happy my heart has been… even in the midst of the serious downs that creep up when I’m least expecting it. I don’t even know where they come from. I will be having a great day and all of the sudden things will remind me of things in my past and it will destroy the rest of the day. even in that pain and even in that darkness, God is still sitting with me there.
He has been teaching me so much about my identity as a woman as well. I think that society ingrains into us “roles” of men and women. I didn’t even REALIZE I had issues with roles in my own life, but I do. a lot of it comes from my athletic ability. for a long time I thought of myself as kind of boy-ish, because I am interested in sports and more athletic than other girls. a couple days ago, God said to me, “you are a woman. I gave you your athletic talent as a gift to you, as a woman. I gave you all that you are and all that you have as a gift.” and I think that was the first time I accepted myself as a woman who is athletic, not a boy-ish girl. it was absolutely freeing. it sounds really simple and I can hear my mom saying, “why didn’t you feel like that before!?” to be truthful and on my own accord, I think I knew it with my head, but society told me completely differently without using words, so I didn’t believe it in my heart. what a freeing thing it is to know that I have been chosen to have the things that I am. this completely changes my perspective on who I am to be and who I should strive to look for.
God is so beautiful, and every day that He takes me from the misconceptions society builds into me, I get to see His beautiful face even more. I can’t wait to lay on His heart someday. just in His lap, laying against His heart, holding Him near. ahhhhh I can’t wait, I can’t wait… I cannot wait.
through Him, with Him, in Him. in the unity of the Holy Spirit. all glory and honor is Yours, Almighty Father. forever and ever.
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yes yes and yes. you are loved kristiana. bask in it mi hermana.
By prayon / Dec 20, 10:56 PM / #