Kristin McLellan
In Hopes of The Next Year
Hmm, I am the oldest of seven children. (All of who were adopted, I being included, except for one) I haven’t always enjoyed being in such a large family, but God has changed my heart so much by being a part of one. And okay, I kinda like it, a lot.
As of January of this year, I was about to begin my second semester of my sophomore year at Stephen F. Austin State University. I dropped all my classes before the semester started up, and decided to come back home to work and spend time with my family before I leave for my Mission Year. I won’t say that it’s been easy, because it hasn’t. I was very stressed where I was, but I was also very comfortable. And well, I’m ready to be uncomfortable now.
I always thought that I knew exactly what was going to happen in my life in terms of getting through college, and getting on with my life after that. But, I was wrong. All I can possibly know is what is happening at the moment. I often catch myself saying that this is what I need. I need a life change, I need to get things in order, I need to grow…And although I know things will change, and fall into place, and I will grow, I know that this isn’t all for, nor is it all about me. This wasn’t, at all, “my plan.” I honestly don’t know if I will be fully prepared for this when it comes along, and that’s okay. Because, how do you prepare for something that has already been planned by someone else? All I can do is show up; ready and willing to be obedient.
I’m doing Mission Year because I want to have an impact on other people’s lives, as well as have my life impacted by other people. I want to learn more about God, and others, and myself also. Though, I mainly just want to love. I want to love people wherever they “are” in their life, or wherever they “aren’t;” and to converse with those who may not have “what I have,” but have more love and mercy than maybe I do right now. I am quite excited about this experience but at the same time, I am a little afraid. Though in the midst of my fear, I have comfort. I know that God will be there every step of the way, and that He will not give me any more than I can handle. I’m looking forward to meeting new people, and developing beautiful relationships.
Love.Love.Love.
Kristin
About Mission Year
Mission Year is a year long urban ministry program focused on Christian service and discipleship. We take teams of young people, place them in an area of need, and help them to serve people and create community. We are committed to the command of Jesus to “love God and love people,” by placing the needs of our neighbors first and developing committed disciples of Christ with a heart for the poor. Learn more about our first year program…
Kristin McLellan's Blog
...the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace / Jul 9, 11:06 AM
Things have been a little (understatement) tough lately. I find it very challenging to be inspired or hopeful even. My motivation and desire to write (big passion) and to do several other things actually has significantly decreased, thus leaving me resting in a place I’m all too familiar with; a place that’s filled with doubt, worry, fear, uncertainty, and many other negative feelings and/or emotions, all in which are not from Him of course.
It’s not at all easy to see hurting family and friends. when I see some of my dearest struggling and in pain I wonder why, as do most I’m sure. I wonder if He will help them and I wonder if He will heal them. I wonder if He’s who He says He is. of course, of course He is, and I believe it. I just, need help sometimes. I kind of feel like the dude in Mark, the one with the demon possessed son, he has faith but not enough; he needs Jesus to help him have more…so, he asks. He’d love for us to just ask.
The ever wonderful, mrs. hayden, told us that prayer was an exercise of hope; and just how true, how right that is. As I struggle to find inspiration and hope, I think about that statement and how my hope isthere, and in such a simple, yet immaculate way…a way in which I connect so easily to my Lord.
What a gracious God; so much that He still meets me there, in my struggle to believe.
I have faith; I just have to ask Him to help me have more sometimes.
There is hope…
“Yes,” said Jesus, “if you yourself can! Everything is possible for the person who has faith.”
–Mark 9:23
Love.Love.Love.
Kristin
Comment [1]
my thoughts seem to scatter / Apr 30, 11:26 AM
Times are changing; they’re often scary and uncertain. But He, He is so faithful. Always.
When the seeds fall they are soaked into the ground, but are sometimes choked out with worry and fear. Nonetheless, I think that the roots underneath are strong. And though they sometimes shake and sway, they stay rooted deep in the ground they’re a part of.
I listened to the voice and I actually heard it this time. Whatever do I do with it? Decisions, decisions; choices, choices. Life’s confusion and challenges have easily made their way over to me. Whatever will I do with the message that is covered by my worry and fear? What if I dig for it, and hold onto it? Then, I can produce something with those seeds, maybe thirty or sixty or even a hundred times as much as was planted? I have ears; I intend to continue to use them and listen.
I simply need to trust and love, knowing that He is so faithful. Always.
Love.Love.Love.
Kristin
Comment [2]
beauty in the breakdown / Mar 30, 12:15 PM
Several weeks ago I sat on a brick ledge, for hours, listening to a dear friend of mine share her heart. The second she started speaking, I could hear God. Her heart was so fragile, so broken, and the hurting soul inside of her began to uncover its beauty right before me. I was in awe and tears flowed endlessly from my eyes as I soaked in the beauty surrounding me.
She had just closed her eyes the day before and thought about what beauty meant to her; what it looked like. She pictured a tree that she had seen earlier in the week, she felt a light breeze, the sun was shining down on her, and she was sharing her heart with someone. The very next day, as we sat there talking, she saw that God had opened her eyes to what she had pictured beauty to be. There was a similar tree directly to her left, the sun was shining down on us, there was a light breeze, and we were sharing our hearts with one another. The noises around us were so faint, so distant, because all we could hear was God. All we could see was God and the beauty that He displays. I can hardly begin to really explain how incredible it was to see God in such a way; to experience someone’s depiction of beauty, to look around and actually see God’s beauty in full description…sigh.
The beauty I saw that day was in her vulnerability and honesty. The beauty was in her breakdown. We are constantly running and hiding from the truth and we inevitably end up on our face before God. Though thankfully enough, He gladly meets us there. He meets us in our broken state when we have nothing else to give; He picks us up, and cares for us. He reveals His beauty, as well as ours, and once again shows us how much He loves us. His beauty is always there, and in the simplest things; the trees, the sun, our tears. We seemingly search for the greatest ways to find these forms of beauty and love, but it’s in the small moments in our lives that we often find them. When we finally take the time to work through our pain He is there, healing us with His divine beauty.
Love.Love.Love.
Kristin
Comment [3]
and today was a day just like any other / Jan 27, 10:31 AM
As she heads down that road she picks up the pace
Her heart begins to race when she sees their face
She continues down the street, her feet now in sync with the beat
The music calms her ears and puts her at ease
But only for a moment because she realizes again that she can’t leave
…this road
Because it’s still going
Even though her hope is slowing
…down
Just once, once this time she wants them to look in her eyes
For real this time
And she’ll be waiting for them to see her
And not just the her that everyone says that they see
But the real her
Not the one that her color “defines” her to be
Please, oh please just let them try to look within
And take her out of the box that they’ve placed her in
Take just one more look at that mix that blends
Her together to make her who she is
A blend that was mixed together by Him
She is not just “this” or the “other”
But instead she’s been blessed with the two put together
When she goes inside to lie down she knows that it’s over
Well, at least for a couple of hours
Because soon she’ll be on that road again
You know, the one that she dreads
Do they even realize that she too bleeds the same red?
Maybe if they look hard enough they can see a difference
But not just of skin
Her heart is different too
And it’s okay that she doesn’t fit in
…to that box
Love.Love.Love.
Kristin
Comment [4]
everybody knows that you break your neck to keep your chin up. / Dec 1, 11:40 AM
I’ll keep it pretty simple.
A few days ago I experienced my first Thanksgiving without my immediate family. I didn’t stumble into the living room early that morning to watch the macy’s day parade with my 4 youngest siblings, I didn’t hear my mom’s voice travel through the house yelling for me help her and Megan in the kitchen and I didn’t sit down with my dad and Aaron to watch the dallas cowboys crush their opponent. This year I endured a new kind of thanksgiving; one that was surrounded by different people, but similar love; one that I will get to remember forever.
I started off with a good, or bad (however you look at it) 3 and a half hours of sleep. I’ll go ahead and say it was a little bad though because MARTA sucks. 4 of my roommates and I headed to south Atlanta a little after 7 AM for a 5k “turkey trot.” Don’t you be fooled by the word trot though cause I surely didn’t trot this race; I happily walked it all. later that afternoon the whole team met up at the Open Door for their Thanksgiving dinner. It was such a beautiful time of fellowship, eating, and community. This year I didn’t have to forget what I used to do, but instead open my heart to what I could now do.
I reflected on memories from previous Thanksgivings, and made new memories for future Thanksgivings.
To my family and friends:
I am thankful for your prayers.
I am thankful for your support.
I am thankful for your emails, phone calls, and letters;
And I am thankful for you loving me through this.
To my team:
I am thankful for Monique’s joy.
I am thankful for Melissa’s warmth.
I am thankful for Andrew’s compassion.
I am thankful for Rick’s laughter.
I am thankful for Sheehan’s heart;
And I am thankful for our willingness to achieve the beloved community.
though it’s not ever easy or enjoyable; I am thankful for my times of confusion, and of pain, and of struggle. For without these things, I wouldn’t be able to change, or learn, or grow. there is clarity for my confusion, there is healing for my pain, and there is joy in my struggle. God continues to reveal these to me day by day through the things and people I see and hear. I love and miss yall.
Love.Love.Love.
Kristin
Comment [4]
