Lindsey France's Blog
a fire shut up in my bones / 06.05.08, 10:29 AM
I admit that when I started Mission Year, I had high aspirations of blogging weekly and keeping you all well informed of my life here in Chicago. However, in this I have failed. This is not because I have nothing to write about. The opposite is true and the thought of giving voice to the my thoughts can be a bit overwhelming.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the day when I will be with Jesus — face to face, hand in hand. A few weeks ago, I was sitting on our back porch and I was overcome with an intense longing to be in that place. Since then, I have had a growing dissatisfaction with the world in which I live and a deepening desire for the world to come.
It is rather distressing — living here, surrounded by and entrenched in pain, injustice, lies and the sense of hopelessness and despair that this fallen world cultivates. I’m beginning to see that the long journey of accepting God’s truth and becoming a truly liberated individual is only the first step.
This world is not exactly in a state of good health. The latest official-released death toll reports that the cyclone in Myanmar killed 77,738 people and left 55,917 missing and 19,359 injured. China’s death toll following the earthquake is nearing 70,000. The rising cost of basic foods and oil has fueled the world’s hunger crisis. Bread for the World estimates that “in developing countries, 16 million children die every year from preventable and treatable causes. Sixty percent of these deaths are from hunger and malnutrition.” And have we forgotten about the genocide in Darfur? Why have we stopped speaking of the atrocity of the lucrative business of child soldiers in Uganda?
Human suffering is not limited to the physical. People blindly accept of culture’s definition of beauty, intelligence, and value. Refusing to accept these lies is, at the very least, difficult. As a young American woman, society expects me to meet a certain criteria. The closer I come to the standard, the more valuable I am. I am just beginning to realize that my failure to meet these (impossible) standards has destroyed my self image. This realization has been painful, but it has opened my eyes to see that there are countless women like me who have attempted to bandage their life threatening wounds with the cheap band-aids of shallow friendships, counterfeit beauty, and feigned confidence.
I really don’t mean to discourage you. But these are the things I see. When a woman at the shelter returns to her abusive husband in hope of again finding security and value, my heart breaks. When a young woman starves herself to fit society’s definition of beauty, my heart breaks again.
To be honest, I wish I could close my eyes to all of this madness. I wish that I could return to my shallow, self absorbed naivety. But I can’t. In chapter 20, Jeremiah says, “Whenever I speak, I cry out proclaiming violence and destruction, insult and reproach all day long.” He was weary, burdened by the message of pain that would be brought by his people’s unwillingness to return to God. But then he says,
“But if I say, I will not mention him, his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.” (v9)
And so it is, God has captured my heart and exposed it to a hope that will not disappoint. And now, I cannot live a liberated life until my brothers and sisters are released from their chains. And so I wait, ever so impatiently, for that day when we will all fall at the feet of Jesus and enter into an eternity of joy, beauty, and peace.
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This is beautiful. Thank you for your words, your honesty, and your heart. Reminds me of a song by Sara Groves: When the Saints. It’s amazing if you haven’t heard it.
By Tera. 08-09er / Jun 5, 11:56 AM / #
Uh. This is why you should write more regularly. Thanks.
By Jordan / Jun 5, 01:07 PM / #
And oh sweet Lindsey, what a day it will be! But, in the meantime, he will use your natural warmth and beauty to show others his own heart. Thanks for showing me just that over the weekend. He is so good! Hugs to you.
By Mama Leahy / Jun 11, 10:02 AM / #