Matthew Fowler's Blog
Not the answer I wanted / Nov 14, 10:48 AM
So lately I have done a really bad job of recharging and doing the things that are going to be good for me. I confessed to my roommates last Wednesday that I felt spiritually empty that I had spiritually given all I had and really needed God to refill me. As I listened to four different prayers for rest I never would imagine it would take the form it did.
So Thursday not 12 hour after all these prayers I walk into the school I volunteer at and end up being put in charge of nearly the entire 7th grade because the school computer system crashed and teachers are frantically trying to get their grades submitted. The experience was super stressful; I literally broke up what would have likely been four different fist fights. I lost my cool and yelled at a girl. After lunch I was put in charge of an 8th grade earth science class that was expected to do work. I scrambled to put something together that would help them and was relevant to what they were studying. Again super stressful.
I expected Friday to be better, or at least didn’t think it could be worse. But Friday night I had conflict erupt because of mixed expectations and ambiguous communication and was literally so frustrated I spent hours pacing the house incapable of talking about it or even praying about it. Again stressful. And as conflict boiled into Saturday and exploded the start of the weekend wasn’t any less stressful.
The strange thing though that I just can’t seem to place is that amongst all this going on God was with me and I wasn’t feeling spiritually dry. I would never have thought I would have made it through the week had I been told me what I was going to experience but I did. The end of the week may not have been what I asked for or tranquil but the amazing thing is God met me needs. In addition he showed me areas of brokenness that I need to work on, that following Jesus comes with no guarentee of easiness or comfortability, and the importance of getting away and recharging so that I do have something to give. It wasn’t what I wanted or asked for but God was in the whole experience providing and teaching; comforting and instructing; and through it all showing his love.
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