Melissa McLamb's Blog
April Newsletter. / 05.22.08, 01:53 PM
Hello! May is almost here and I couldn’t be happier about warmer weather! Serious. But like Rev. Spiller says, “if you don’t like Chicago weather – hang around, it’ll change in 10 minutes”. Just to say, the forecast is calling for snow tomorrow. Funny. The flowers that we helped plant in the empty lot outside the apartment building are growing and it’s cool to see the kids get excited about new blossoms. And we have plants in the house too to remind us of new life in spring.
Compared to now, this place was barren in the winter. It’s like everyone was hiding inside and then with the warmer weather, they all came out at the same time – a myriad of people. And with more people being out, there has been more reported violence. Just over last weekend in Chicago, 9 people were killed in 30 shootings. One weekend alone! The numbers seem so unreal. And it’s even more unreal to think about the loss and hurt of individual lives from this violence. The numbers are just thrown at us in the papers and they are so abstract and common in the media that it makes for an easy distancing from. I was reminded the other day by an admirable educator and activist, Jonathan Kozol, that when we look at injustice instead of seeing abstractions, we should see real people. And when we see real people, they demand a response from us. The majority of the shootings are tagged as gang-related. And I just read an article that talked about the breakdown of discipline among gangs members – it argued that it used to be that older gang members would look after the younger ones but now they are all being locked up and there isn’t any sense of commitment to the group anymore, so it’s like a local minister says “kids are just out with guns
running their own game”.
With the increase of violence on the streets, there’s been more community organizing within our neighborhood in promoting peace and stopping the violence. Ashley has helped organize the ‘Fast Friday, Pray and March’ initiative – a collective effort to stand up for peace on the streets. Groups are coming together among churches, concerned citizens and youth to participate in marches to stop the violence. There were around 200 people this first Saturday who came together to march. That’s powerful, people agreeing on the necessity of peace, working together to demonstrate their demands for non-violence and a
safe place for themselves, their children and families.
Among external realities of violence, I’m amazed at the resiliency of so many people and their continuous hope for a better day. I find strength in the shared vulnerability of all of us but mostly I am dumbfounded by the courage that I see in the lives of my neighbors. When I hear tragic stories like when students at school entrust me with their real life experiences of abuse, death, and hardship – It makes me so sad and it’s like sometimes, I feel immobilized by it. And here they are the ones that have experienced it and just talking to me casually about it and not showing much emotion. I’m like, “what’s wrong with me? –why do I feel this?” I’ve always been a sensitive person, but since the end of January it’s been harder to bear even the hearing of tragedy and the hurt is more real to me. Sometimes I wish I could just put some sort of protective shield up that would keep me from feeling the emotion. But that hasn’t been given to me.
It’s strange the different ways that people respond to change. I was talking with Janice, an artisan at WomanCraft and survivor of homelessness, and I asked her how she remains happy, she said about the prevalent ‘bad stuff going on’: “I have to block it out. I just don’t think about all the frustrations…because they really stress me out…I just let go of things that are out of my control and go on.” And then just this past week at school, Carter (a highschool junior), was sharing with me about how he had watched a woman be raped in his backyard. I was horrified – he was sharing with me as we were plastering a peace sculpture for art class. He asked me if I would leave Chicago or what I would do if that had happened to me. I was silent for a while, shocked that he asked me to see myself in that position and then honestly I told him that I don’t know what I would do. I asked him the same thing he asked me and he said almost instantaneously, “I’d forget about it”. Why? “Because…bad thoughts can bring you death and it probably wouldn’t ever happen again anyway.” I have to think about that because it’s inconceivable to me at first…to just forget about such tragic experiences and realities, to choose to block it out for your own good. It’s almost like some of our neighbors here, in order to survive – don’t take time to mourn or it just looks completely different that what I expect it should. The hurt and death is more widely accepted as ‘that’s just the way it is’. When hearing about the fatal shooting of a fellow student on campus, Breanna, a sweet-hearted freshman girl, said to me “Melissa, you can’t be sad. If you are, you’re going to be sad all the time then, because this is a sad place”. But it has to be okay to be sad – to express that yes, maybe this is the way that things are but it doesn’t mean that this is the way that things ought to be. We all need a safe place to mourn our losses and what hurts us.
I’ve been told by a few people recently that the ability to feel this hurt profoundly is a great gift. I don’t know. But I do know that I can’t change many things for my neighbors. I can’t change their past experience nor their external circumstances, just as I can’t change mine. But I can change what I choose to see in the midst of the hurt. I can choose to see endless potential within students who have been told through experience that it’s too late for them to make something better for their lives. I can see innate greatness and goodness in people who don’t believe in themselves. I can treat people as if they already are what they ought to be and in that I can help them to become who they are capable of being. Maybe I can be a spark of hope for them that a better way is possible just by being present with them, practicing patience, showing respect and caring about who they really are. One of the most empowering things for me in my own life has been receiving grace and patience from others—growing the confidence that I am worth it. This is what I want to share with others.
So last month’s newsletter, thanks for reading it – I got more calls, letters and e-mails in response to that one than to any previous. It was a liberating write for me, as I want all my writings to be. Thanks for caring and taking the time to let me know you do. It means a lot.
All your kind support is great. Without it, this transformative experience wouldn’t be possible for me. Right now I’m currently at $6,786.34 with a goal of $12,000. MissionYear is a rewarding and life-changing opportunity for so many people. And you are making it happen by giving to us. Your sharing enables us to share in the lives of the people within our communities, learn from them and develop understanding (and skills) that we need in helping to make a better world for all of us.
0 Comments
Leave a Comment...
Read more of Melissa McLamb's Blogs.
