Meredith Layne
The year to come...
A description of myself eh?
So the basics are I am 24, a life long student who is currently studying a lot of things at Wingate University in North Carolina…if I could pick a major that would be great. Born and raised in NC, and love it here. I am my parents only child, but I have 2 other siblings. I am really laid back and easy going, as are most people in the South, and I enjoy the finer things in life like a good book and a cold soda.
I heard about Mission Year when Tony Campolo came and spoke at my school and I got to interview him for our campus newspaper. Actively living what Christians say they believe sounded really awesome to me and so I signed up to receive information, really doubting that I would actually DO anything. One thing lead to another, and here God has put me at the start of something inspiring and exciting.
I will be spending the next year in New Orleans, LA and couldn’t be more excited! NOLA has always been one of my favorite cities and the idea of spending a year there loving people and loving God makes me do a lil dance in my seat.
The year to come I am sure will bring many tears, many frustrations and many joys and wonders. It will be very hard at times I am sure, and I will be broken and weak… but I look forward to that because Christ’s power is made perfect by my weakness. (2 Cor. 12:7-10).
About Mission Year
Mission Year is a year long urban ministry program focused on Christian service and discipleship. We take teams of young people, place them in an area of need, and help them to serve people and create community. We are committed to the command of Jesus to “love God and love people,” by placing the needs of our neighbors first and developing committed disciples of Christ with a heart for the poor. Learn more about our first year program…
Meredith Layne's Blog
Quia amasti me, fecisti me amabilem. / Jul 20, 02:51 PM
In loving me, You made me lovable -St. Augustine
Last night I wasn’t quite ready to go to bed, so I got a book that David had recently bought that I was intending to read and went and sat on the couch with Jacob and Katie. I opened the book, The Furious Longing of God by Brennan Manning. Yeah, I know, Manning is amazing, and pretty much the cutest old man ever, I wish he and I were BFFs. I started reading this book and learned maybe the most significant thing I’ve learned this year.
Mission Year- Love God. Love People. Nothing else matters. True, yeah? No, totally, its so important to love God, and it’s so important to love people, the two commandment’s Christ left us with before leaving this earth. I’ve been operating on that notion for the last, oh I dont know, atleast 2 years.
That nothing else matters, isn’t quite accurate for me. What matters is how much God loves me. You guys, really, its huge the amount of love God, THE God of the universe, who made the stars, who made the oceans, who made the mountains and prairies, loves me. Me, Meredith Hope Layne, a sinner, a big sinner, a lowly creature who’s beauty and longevity is minimal and pale next to the beauty of the world. And as beautiful as our world is, as majestic as the earth can be at times is nothing at all in comparison to God’s Kingdom. And for me, he left that Kingdom. He left perfection, came to earth, put on the limitation of human skin and died, because that’s what he had to do in order for me to be with him forever. I was seperated from him because of my sin, my humanity, and he died to be with me. I am so cherished and loved. And I can tell you without a doubt that you are too. It’s not for one person alone. That love, which is huge, furious, all encompassing is for you and I. For anyone who chooses it.
I choose it. I choose to be loved by God, by my King. The Redeemer of my soul and the lover of my heart.
“In human beings, love is a quality, a high-praised virtue; in God, love is His identity.” -Brennan Manning
That is so true. I am virtuous if I love God, if I love others, IF I love, I a quality. I love God, I love people, I am a good person. But it matters so much more that God loves me. There is no question of IF God loves, He is love, He has always loved you, He will always love you. There is no question.
I read the whole book, one after the other my roommates went to bed, and I sat in the living room reading, and the farthest from alone I have ever been, because I am in God, and He is in me. I am loved so much that I can’t even stand in it, all I can do in the weight of it is fall to my knees, raise my hands in surrender and acceptance and declare “I am Yours! You are mine, and I am Yours!”
Come now, My love. My lovely one, come.
For you, the winter has passed,
the snows are over and gone,
the flowers appear in the land,
the season of joyful songs has come.
The Cooing of the turtle dove is hear in our land.
Come now, My love. My lovely one, come.
Let Me see your face. And let Me hear your voice,
for your voice is sweet,
and your face is beautiful.
Comenow, My love, My lovely one, come.
Song of Songs 2:10-14
Comment [3]
I wanna be honest / Feb 2, 11:19 AM
My human-ness is calling me back. It misses me i think almost as much as I miss it!
I miss new shoes, I miss new clothes, I miss new books, I miss new movies and music, i miss TV. I miss going out with my friends. I miss getting all dressed up, and feeling pretty, and oh my Lord how I miss kissing. I miss going out to eat and not worrying about how much everything costs. I miss living from paycheck to paycheck. I miss things, that I can’t list out cause you’d think badly of me for missing them.
I miss not feeling heavy because of the injustice around me. I miss not caring. I miss not being a ‘bleeding heart liberal hippy’. I miss not feeling guilty about Starbucks in my life and Walmart. I miss my car and complaining about gas prices.
Believe me, I am aware how these things bring me no lasting happiness or joy. I know that if I were really honest with myself, I don’t actually want these things, but it doesn’t mean that I dont miss them. Does that even make sense? No! I don’t want them, but I want them so badly.
I feel like I have been identified for so long by what I have; by the clothes I roll, the shoes I rock…even the blasted water I drink! These things have identified me as feminine, as current and as recognizable. Without them, i feel unfeminine, irrelevant, and invisible. How effed up is it that society has that sort of hold on me? On us?
So flip it. Im not here in New Orleans. I am living what previously was my “dream” life. I’ve got everything I could want, no one depends on me, I don’t notice or care about the injustices around me. What do I miss then?
I miss David. I miss Katie, and Joy. I miss Braxton. I miss Jacob. I miss Irvin and Sarah and Ruby. I miss Brandt. I miss UIM staff. I miss Donna and, David, Joy and Joe at Reconcile. I miss Earl. I miss Julie and Rob. I miss Ivan and Pearl. I miss Lisa and Amaya and Aurther. I miss Philip Street. I miss the street cars. I miss Nikki and Michael Wong and Rodger. I miss security gaurds. I miss the New Orleans Public Library. I miss Baronne Market and Mike. I miss Big Shots! I miss Clark. I miss the lady who yells obscenities walking up and down the street. I miss Mark, and Steve and Gypsy. I miss caring, and investing and being invested in. I miss outrage at injustice, and seeing the community develope and improve. I miss reconciliation. I miss morning devo. I miss dance parties in the kitchen. I miss scooping out my bathtub. I miss squeaky beds. I miss pillow fights. I miss my King and the Lover of my soul.
The grass over there might be greener sometimes…but its greener cause it has pestisides and chemicals on it, it doesn’t taste as sweet, and it’ll give me cancer.
Comment [5]
breathing water / Dec 30, 01:57 PM
Why is it that we can’t seem to choose who it is we care about? I’ve never understood, why I can’t care the most for those who care the most about me? I am guessing that would make too much sense, or would be too easy to actually work, but logically it seems to me that would be the best option for all involved. I am so very confused.
So far, break has been…“interesting”, in every meaning, sense and connotation of that word. It has been surprisingly easy to fall back into the life I was living prior to September 12, 2008- arrival in New Orleans. The same people, the same money, same temptations and the same expectations and pressures are here, along with a few new ones. Sadly, while being at “home”, i’ve never felt more alone here. I am realizing its my own fault too.
The people who know me here, the person I was to them for the last 24 years, isn’t the person I’ve been in New Orleans. I mean sure, most of the basics are the same, I like green, I hate feet and I really like to be contrary. But my core, my source of strength isn’t the same. My ideals, my dreams and desires aren’t the same, similar, but not the same. So, coming back here, and expecting things to be the same as they are in Central City New Orleans, isn’t ok of me. I shouldn’t expect these people to understand who I am now. They, like me, are creatures of habit, and the Meredith they habitually know…she’s dying. She is trying to die everyday, to herself. The reason I feel a lone, is because they don’t know the me I am trying to become, and to be honest, I barely know this me.
I am struggling. I fighting it. I don’t want to be comfortable. Reverting to the easy isn’t what my heart wants, but my flesh is so weak (Matt. 26:41).
I need help. I am begging for help to get through this.
Comment [2]
Where is my heart? / Dec 20, 02:12 AM
Sitting here in the New Orleans Airport, relaxing, enjoying a good bit of people watching, which is one of my favorite past times.
I have a lot of mixed emotions about this trip. I have reservations about saying I am going “home”, because I don’t feel like NC is my home anymore. It is where I am from and I am thankful that God picked there for me to be raised. However, I feel that New Orleans is more my home, at least for the time being.
Missing my roommates is a cause for reservations too. I really thought, from experiences with other roommates that once Christmas Break got here, I would be really excited to get away and have time away from them. Even yesterday I was feeling a little anxious to be away from my roomies, but now I really feel like missing my family here in NOLA is going to be something that’s part of this trip. I already do miss them a little bit!
Airports, especially at the holidays have never been a favorite for me. I really enjoy traveling, so that part is exciting. However, people get so frustrated and angry here. I’ve already seen 2 people cussing at an airport workers. Its so pointless, yelling won’t make people work better, or won’t make the massive snow storms sweeping the nation right now go away. I just don’t understand. But I am learning there is a lot about life I don’t understand, and that’s ok, I don’t need to understand everything, infact it’s better that I don’t.
I ask that you would pray for me this break. Pray that I keep moving forward in my walk, and in my faith. That I will able to be salt and light in North Carolina, as well as New Orleans. Please pray that this break would be restful and relaxing, rather than stressful and that I would be able to resist tempation and say “no”! And I ask you to pray for things I can’t explain, haha, God knows what they are though.
I want to be where everybody knows my name / Dec 12, 12:40 PM
*This is a journal entry from 11/25-
There is a woman who walks around in my neighborhood. She walks down the middle of the road yelling obscenities at the top of her lungs. She has no teeth, and her clothes smell of urine. I don’t know her name, and she doesn’t know mine, just calling me “Love” when we pass on the street. She does however know where I live and noticed the change in my hairstyle. What does that mean? What does that say about me? Jacob says that the interaction I had with her today was God letting me know that all is not in vain and nothing is lost. I want to know her name. I want to feed her. I want to love her as much as I love myself. I want to take care of her with the same care I give to myself.
Today her name is Rose. 3 days ago her name was Gloria. She still calls me Love.
Thank you Father for reminding me why I am here, and for getting my focus back where it should be. Forgive my wandering heart. Let me loose myself in You. Let it be.
