Richard Grove's Blog
You Can't Tell Me What to Do / 06.24.08, 12:26 PM
Hello Folks. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. A lot of thinking and not a lot of doing. A lot of taking and not a lot of giving. A lot of telling and not a lot of asking. I hope to balance these inequities with this blog, sort of, at least in my mind, and also use it as a starting point for the rest of my life, wow. I am really setting myself up for a fall. Oh well.
Henceforth, I will no longer tell others what they should do. No. Henceforth, I will no longer try and figure out what others should do and just keep it to myself. No, from this point on I will no longer even think about others actions, especially related to how they affect me and my so-called “rights.” Or how about: I will from this point only judge myself and my actions. That still isn’t right. I will let God judge me, because he is the only true and righteous judge. I will not even attempt to judge myself, or anyone for that matter, because when Jesus tells me He loves me, and I proclaim to the Him and the world “I am not worthy” like a stupid idiot, what am I trying to say? “Jesus, you’re a fool? Jesus, you’re wrong! You can’t love me! I suck.” How can I call the One Mouth in the entire universe that speaks the truth a liar? How then can I know what is a lie and what is truth?
I am blessed because He said I’m blessed. I believe Him. If nothing else in the universe makes sense, that makes sense. That’s all that matters.
“Can we please stop arguing?” This is a question I hear a lot from my roommates. Usually my answer is “No, why?” Because I need to have the last word. No I don’t. I think I need it. I hate arguing. But I love it because I love to show people how they are wrong. But that isn’t love, it’s greed. It’s power, the power to control a situation and my own destiny. But I don’t control anything, I just convinced myself that I do. How do I get back to way God made me to be? I can’t. I can only follow Jesus there, because I can’t remember the way. I could pretend that I know the way, bs my way to gates, gain an understanding of what it means to follow Jesus, I might even get there. But at the door God will say “I don’t know you. Who invited you?”
So everyone look at me for a while. Because this is how I get value. I can’t listen to a person speak without thinking of how I could do it better. I don’t understand how to get into the Kingdom. I am walking away from Jesus disheartened because I can’t understand why he would tell me to sell all of my awesome things. Didn’t God bless me with too much stuff in the first place?
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