Ruth Will's Blog
attempts at bushwhacking, thought style. / 01.06.09, 10:31 AM
Sometimes in life, the neurons in my brain encounter alot of thought traffic, and it turns into a thought jungle, and it requires alot of time and hard work and mental machetes to sort if all out. Usually that happens in some sort of journal, and not online, because I am no writer or storyteller, especially in regards to thought jungles.
Major discoveries recently included rather shameful things about myself, like how living simply and in community with people is so good, but I am SO bad at it, as much as I highly esteem such a lifestyle. I put myself here in this mode of life for a year to kindof force myself to live it. But I’ve realized that I can’t force myself into these lifestyle changes… I must gently accept where I’m at, make one REALLY big decision to change, and then lots of (or maybe just a few) small decisions every day towards living better (more simply, and wholistically). (But we all know I’m bad at decisions so, stuff like patience and graciousness even is necessary, which, I think, is where the holy spirit comes in to play)(because I think he plays a stellar human transformation game).
One of these highly esteemed lifestyle changes involves the imagination: picture, if you will, the image of a cat with its back and hair raised and hissing in defense of perceived threat. Sometimes it’s just the really nice dog down the street and all that noise and turmoil is really unnecessary. Sometimes, it is a threatening tomcat ready to invade their territorial rights and privileges, and such actions might really be necessary (unless you look at the context of the situation and realize that cat 1 was the initial antagonizer). …I think my analogy is becoming more complicated than it needs to be. What I’m trying to say is, the way I internally view alot of people in our neighborhood when I pass them on the street is like a hackle-backed scaredy cat. Readiness to distrust needs to be replaced by a readiness to see a fellow human being, created in the image of God. I can never know what interaction or conversation goes unexperienced just because I didn’t say hello, or be at least a little friendly.
I am looking forward to continue working at the the fitness center. One of my goals is to read more from the personal trainer certification manual… to get personal trainer certified (maybe by the end of the year!)
When it comes to speaking, or writing, or the exchange of ideas, all I really do is try… sometimes I succeed. At least I can think a bit more clearly now.
shalom, friends.
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