Schuler's Blog
Post-Posting Disclaimer / 03.24.09, 12:58 PM
I feel like I should explain an earlier post before going on with the Drum Class series.
In “In the Confessional” I (Tim) said, “We know how selfish, independent, affluent and bizarre our childhoods were.” I should be clear I’m referring only to myself here. Allison may not feel this way, and certainly not everyone in Mission Year feels this way either.
So let me explain, so that no one has to wonder what I mean by the statement.
“Selfish” – My childhood was a very self-serving one. Though my parents taught me to share my toys with my friends and my brother, and though we were taught against materialism, other mantras (like that we should succeed in all we do, or that we could pursue whatever we wanted) forced into my brother and I a subtle egotism. While it is occasionally masked by other values, I assure you it is there. This is not entirely our parents’ fault. We accepted the teaching of self-over-others (or at least before others) and made it a creed to which we held. We’ve both wrestled with how to rid ourselves of this need to be the best, to always succeed, and constantly affirm ourselves through the repetitious praise of others. This is how my childhood was a selfish one.
“Independent” – The same values that fed our egos also created a path toward individualism, which doesn’t sound so bad until you realize it also creates a heart of brick, a person who has a hard time relating to others because too much interference or dependence will start to hinder our individual needs and wants. Again, not the fault of Mom and Dad. Though of course, like many Americans around the close of the 20th Century, they subscribed, almost necessarily, to the myth of individualism. But most do, and in many ways it isn’t so bad. Our individual autonomy helps us break out from under controlling parents, rescue ourselves from abusive relationships, and have the courage to act on our convictions. But if we stray too far in that direction we become anchored to our ways, our beliefs, our knowledge, our dreams. We resist community wherever it finds us, though it’s what we actively seek.
“Affluent” – The fact is I had two childhoods. One, before certain members of my family struck a very expensive, valuable natural resource beneath their farm in Western Kansas. And the other, after this fact. So in the beginning we didn’t have a lot because we couldn’t. My dad had a steady, well-paying job, but they were frugal and very wise where they spent it, never wanting to spoil my brother and I or themselves. Then, when the checks began coming in (a lot at first, then gradually less and less) we were suddenly able to do a little more. They began fixing up the house; they bought new vehicles, musical instruments and other things for my brother and I. They set aside vast amounts of money for college. They emphasized personal responsibility and living within our means, and my brother and I were hard workers. So we really weren’t spoiled in the American sense of the word. But when you have eyes to see the world as it is, and if you let yourself absorb the information that has been released over the last 30-50 years, then you know the way we grew up put us in the top ten percent of the world economically. I went to college debt free. This is astounding to a lot of folks in the U.S. much less in underdeveloped nations where college is only for the rich and powerful. So I grew up affluent compared to those we should always keep in mind—the poorest of the poor.
“Bizarre” – This statement is really just a sum-up of the first three. Because when you realize, globally, how many children grow up with the privilege I had, I am an oddity. But because we surround ourselves with others like us, and because many of us grow up in one small place, we get used to how our lives are ordered. We get used to our way being normal. Other kids having the same, or similar, experience of childhood. But like I said, I’m grew up in the top ten percent of the world financially. Just because it’s the top we forget that it means it’s a very small minority. Therefore, my childhood was bizarre.
I want reiterate that my parents are not at fault for these things, and the experience was surely not the same for my brother. But this year has brought an increased awareness as to how I was raised, the effect it’s had on me, and why. And I wanted to share it.
Grace & Peace,
Tim
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I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
Ruth
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By Ruth / Mar 27, 10:56 PM / #